Dwyane Wade and LeBron James have officially tied the knot. Reports from early Tuesday indicate that Wade and James are now 'Engaged' on Facebook, confirming widespread speculation that the gay ballplayers were dating.
"Once it becomes Facebook Official, it's the real deal," head coach Erik Spolestra said. "There's no going back now for them."
"We felt that this was the perfect time to make our love public," James told the media. "After spending twenty minutes crying in D-Wade's arms after our loss to the Bulls, I just knew that he was the one. It was a feeling I've never quite experienced...well, except for his dick ramming against my prostate. That's pretty good too."
The news was the cause of much excitement within the Heat locker room.
"This is fabulous news," Udonis Haslem said as he observed practice. "Their chemistry is going to be so much better on the court now that they don't have to hide their arrangement."
"Let's be honest, we're not playing well right now," reserve forward James Jones said. "This is just the spark we need to get back on track."
After the news broke, media attention quickly turned to third-wheel teammate Chris Bosh's reaction.
"This is such bullshit," an infuriated Bosh said in a conference call. "After all I've done for LeBron this past year, he fucking pops the question to D-Wade. Who's crib did he go to with help for his decision? Mine. Who gave him handjob after handjob to soothe him? I did. Who gave him that beautiful suit jacket as a welcoming gift? I did. This is devastating."
Bosh missed Tuesday afternoon's practice, citing a 'family emergency' for his absence. However, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, known as the 'man who never lies,' claimed he saw Bosh leaving the team's facility in tears, ripping what appeared to be photographs of him and James.
Asked about their expected relationship with Bosh, Wade said, "To be honest, we don't really care what he thinks. He basically sucks balls, and he looks like a fucking lizard."
"We've been considering kicking him off the team since he went 1-17 in that travesty of a game," James added. "Hopefully he'll take the hint now."
James said that they have not yet planned the date for the wedding, but it will "likely be after we get raped in the playoffs."
As for the rest of the NBA, reception to the news appears to be mostly negative. Joakim Noah of the Bulls was quoted as calling them "a pair of enormous faggots". However, a few players have given the two positive feedback.
"I'm thrilled for them," openly homosexual forward Richard Jefferson said. "Hopefully this will be a breakthrough for gay athletes in professional sports. I can't wait until I can find my own husband."
Source: The Courtmaster
Source: The Courtmaster
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